Thoughts on identity
September 8th 2024
I've been having thoughts about identities recently, so I will try to write them down here and put them in order(thoughts are fast, so that's not particularly easy).
Technically, I do identify as some things. I am a human, naturally (that's the thing I have the most experience in being), and if you ask me about my name and gender I can give you some answers (might vary depending on who you are). The thing is though, it doesn't really go further than that, some convenient answers for the sake of being practical. I don't identify strongly enough as anything to feel any amount of distress at being misrepresented(which is why, for example, the list of pronouns I use will only ever grow, never shorten).
I think this is because I don't actually identify as anything. When I look in the mirror I don't see *me*, I see the body I inhabit, just a practical tool I use to do things and interact with people. I don't really care much about being misgendered(apart from being disappointed in someone if I find out they're a transphobe), I don't even really care about the name that is used for me(again, except if people are being purposefully mean about it).
I think I'm just a collection of experiences, feelings, and opinions. And since the whole of it can never be fully seen by a person, I will always be something completely different to different people. To my familly I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin, to my colleagues I am a colleague(and maybe a bit of a weirdo), to my partner I am so many things. It also doesn't help that I keep being surprised that other people Perceive Me(what do you mean they know me, remember things about me, and will sometimes even think about me when I'm not here??), and always wonder who I am to them.
But to be honest, I don't particularly feel any distress about this. It can even be an occasion to have fun! That's the thought behind my current work on my robotsona: why not try making it a new "identity," just for when I'm online? I can be Soren, a device, using it/its pronouns. I can also just be Soren the french enby who is not good at social media, it's fine!(However, I will not be my IRL identity online. Internet safety! My employer will *not* get the occasion to google me and find my very cool blog!) I can even have another name, neopronouns, anything you like(you could use fantasynamegenerator to make a new name for me every time you talk about me, though that would start getting impractical).
Anyway, I think those thoughts are now in the right order, but I think the concluding one just got away from me, so that's it for now I think.(adding to my todo list for this blog: putting my pronouns somewhere, and maybe add a randomizer to them)
